So, Orion is like, shot, and nobody knows who did it, right? And the bad guys are all meeting up with Libra who grants wishes, but they’re really bad wishes. And then BOOM! the Flash shows up, but it’s the first Flash. I mean the middle Flash. The one who died. I mean the first one who died. And he looks around and just starts RUNNING. And Batman gets captured by bad New Gods and put into a box with needles and stuff, but nobody knows it because Supergirl and Mary Marvel are fighting, and Mary Marvel is all mean and GRRR! and she’s got pink hair. And there’s another Supergirl who shows up from Nazi Germany, but she falls asleep and doesn’t do anything. Then Wonder Woman and all the other girl heroes turn into bad guys and ride around on giant dogs and wear spikes, and Skeletor throws a punch, and He-Man goes “I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRR” and the Flash runs some more and says hi to his wife, and Green Lantern is on trial because everyone thinks he did something bad even though he really didn’t, but nobody knows it, and Superman is gone because his wife is gonna die so he goes to meet all these other Supermans that are all brand new or evil or actually Shazam (but not the real Shazam, a different Shazam) and then Batman is like, “Freeze, Darkseid!” and Darkseid says, “No way, Batman!” and Darkseid tries to zap him but Batman goes BOOM! and shoots him, but Darkseid zaps him anyway, and everyone stops fighting for a minute because then Superman shows up and cries because Batman was his best friend and now he’s DEAD!
Final Crisis Summary by a Five-Year-Old