Twas the night before Christmas, and up on the Hill
Every Senator toiled on a new Health Care Bill
“It’s obstruction!” cried Reid, who had the seniority,
Though he couldn’t quite grasp that he had the majority.
The staffers were tired — McCaskill forlorn,
“We’re working so hard, that we’ll miss Christmas morn!”
(But then so will soldiers still stuck in Iraq,
Even Washington picked Christmas Day to attack.)
When out on the steps, there appeared Secret Service
Pelosi choked up! Howard Dean became nervous!
They turned to their aides, who then turned on the news
Where Wolf Blitzer confirmed that this wasn’t a ruse.
The cameras they focused, the booms they were lowered
The prompter lit up — and the President glowered
He adjusted his tie, then he tapped on the mic.
“Testing, one, two. That’s the volume I like.”
“I know you’re all wond’ring when this bill will pass,
Will the GOP block it? Will Bayh show some class?
Well I’m here to assure you, our mission is clear:
The promise I made I’ll deliver this year!”
“Now Durbin! Now Feingold! Now Franken and Kerry!
Pay Nelson a jillion! Make Lieberman hairy!
My vacation’s on hold, so there’s no time to stall!
Do whatever it takes to give health care to all!”
“We’re trying our damnedest,” said Christopher Dodd
And each Dem agreed with a quick silent nod.
“We’ve gathered each vote we could possibly muster,
To stop the Republicans’ planned filibuster!”
The President smiled at them all through the screen
As though he were with them observing the scene.
He waved at his friends from both ACORN and NOW
Then he turned and he walked off the stage — with a bow.
With renewed vim and vigor, the Senate debated
“We’ve sixty votes now, we should be elated!
All that’s left is to send the damn thing on its way
To Barack’s Oval Office,” said Dan Inouye
“But the people don’t trust it,” cried Claire from Missouri.
“They’re protesting my office! It’s making me worry!
They claim that the bill was put through in a rush!”
“We don’t say the R-word!” Reid cautioned her. “Hush!”
The GOP meanwhile took all the abuses
From reporters and bloggers who made lame excuses.
“They’re mean,” said Contessa. “They’re just like the Grinch,
To make everyone else stay and work like a moensch.”
And so they worked on, through the days and the nights
Talking policies, budgets, entitlements, rights.
The bill grew too big for a person to lift.
So Pelosi renamed it “America’s Gift.”
It was one thousand pages — an encyclopedia!
Of course, no one read it, not even the media.
It was hobbled and weakened, with no real reform.
But government health care would be the new norm.
Now to take Clement’s poem and twist it just so
For political poking is wrong — this I know.
So I hope you’ll forgive me my holiday fun.
(And that, Mister Burris, is how it is done.)